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Sean Price - Monkey Barz

Who is Sean Price? Well, Im guessing that if you're even mildly successful or at least not a loser in life, you probably don't know him by name. I, on the other hand, have followed his entire career. Sean, formerly known as Ruck (or maybe Rock), was sorta famous in the Mid 90's as one half of the group, Heltah Skeltah. Now, Sean is on his own, and most likely poor. I purchased this, not to help Mr. Price, but because this CD is called Monkey Barz, which is awesome album titleage.

Peep My Words
Based on the title, this doesn't appear to be an intro, which shows Sean respects my time. Lets listen.

This beat sounds like some kinda fantasy land. Nice, pretty woodwinds and guitars are playing all over the place. Makes me want to puke. Sean seems to be on fruity duty with this one.

One-Two, Yall
This song is pretty cool. Sean Peezy is remembering all the various ignorant things he has done in his lifetime, which entertain me. Apparently, Sean has and would kill many men.

He also mentions something about Rosa Parks, whom I find to be lazy and stubborn.

Onion Head
WTF kind of title is that? I hope this makes sense.

Whoa, Sean said he has a dime piece chick from Japan that gives good oral, has a black belt, and chops bricks with her hands. My dream babe. On top of that, Sean said, "Watch me punch up your face, dig in your pockets, and leave you right where you stand." Hot line, Peeze, but I just need clarification. You punched him in the face, then strong-arm robbed the dude, and he was standing up and awake the whole time? Dang! I would suggest some kind of push up routine for better muscles, but as far as nerve goes, you're at the top of your game.

Sean also mentions that he walks around with a swiss army knife, which is the toughest close combat weapon in the game.

Note: Tight song, but either I'm lame on the slang tip, or the title to this one is stupid.

Fake Neptune
I'm preparing for this beat to sound like a rip off of those Rae Dawn Chong super producers, The Neptunes. If it is, then this is a clever and honest title, which I appreciate.

Right on the money. A couple of Peezy's ex rhyme homies chip in on here, and they play their roles to perfection by sucking more than the star. Sean asks his chick, "How you gonna shit on me (disrespect), after I let you shit on me? Im freaky deaky!!" Uhh, add gross and totally insane. I have to assume that Sean would also eat shit. I mean, fuck...I wouldn't do either, meaning he would do both.

Sean also mentions that he stays equipped with a bi-sexual pistol that shoots both sexes and occasionally infants. That is, by far, the coolest thing I've ever heard.

Heartburn fucking sucks. I often suffer from it when I'm in my white wine, sophisticated mode. Hopefully this song will go down smooth.

Oh yes!!! 9th Wonder is responsible for freaking this awesome soul sample. On here, Sean talks about all the things he loves. Some of the notables:

  • Smoking weed with his son, while watching Nick at Nite
  • Falcon Crest and Knot's Landing
  • His mom's drug habit
  • Double jointed chicks (TOTALLY!!!)
  • Malcolm X

    Not neccessarily in that order.

    Fantastic title. Actually, in 1991 I made up a dance with this same title. It starts with you standing erect (no homo) and then suddenly bending your knees at a 90 degree angle while moving your shoulders from coast to coast. I was in the jig house when I created it, so it caused more trouble than it was worth, but all in all, it was a kewl move. Anyway, on to the song.

    Damn, it would be totally impossible to do my Travolta thang to this slow ass song. I'm blown.

    Geezus. This song is some kind of audiological illusion. I cant keep up with this weird ass beat. Only Charlie Manson and the neighborhood bag lady could dance to this psycho jam.

    Brokest Rapper
    I'm expecting an autobiography on this one. Also, my spell check tells me "Brokest" ain't a word.

    Another slow ass beat. Sean must've been on his 19th beer when he wrote this one. I'm falling asleep.

    Boom Bye Yeah
    Whoa, Sean got gangsta on the sound man at the beginning of this one. Although tough, the sound dude clearly got the last laugh. One, after Sean left, he switched the hotfire beat to a sucky one, and two, he made Peezy's verse sound like it was left on my answering machine. Respect the soundboy, Sean.

    I Love You, Bitch
    I cant say enough about this title, so I'll sum it up as succinctly as possible. AWESOME!

    This song is hilarious. It's about how Sean loves his girl even though she is a total has-been hag. Peeze says he resorted to having sex the k-9 way to avoid her stretch marks and he has to think about his ex to toughen up his tuba.

    Sean Price is one silly ass dude. Cool beat too.

    Bye Bye
    Ok, unfortunately, this is the first gay title on the album. I'm not sure Ive ever said those two words back to back.

    Ok, no doubt. Another 9th Wonder beat. I'm not sure, but sounds like Buckshot is on the 1st verse, sounding better than Ive heard him in 10 years. Finally. Oh, and Buck mentions Baltimore, which is so damn tough.

    Sean said bitches think he's a basket case. Uhh, Bobby Johnson does too.

    This song might be about the gun company responsible for killing 63% of my cousins. Or...it might be about my favorite 90's group, Smif n Wesson, now known as the Cocoa Brovas, due to trademark issues. Let us see.

    Hmm...this beat is strange, but kinda cool. Sounds old school...like, hot Mobb Deep shit from my penitentiary days.

    Somebody rapping just asked for a turkey sandwich and a bottle of juice. If that ain't prison talk, I don't know what is.

    Jail Shit
    Oh yeah. Some shit I know quite well. By the way, cereal is served at 5:00am in the jig house. That sucks big time.

    Goddammit. Wack song. I was trying to reminisce on all the skills I learned in prison. Skills like the "shakedown" and how to work a pencil sharpner.

    Monkey Barz
    Shit yea. This is what Ive been waiting on. This title is fucking bananas. If I could be any animal, I would be a gorilla 3rd. So, I'm expecting this song to be less tight than a lion, and just a tad under the pigeon, which eats for free and can fly. [Pressing Play...]

    Sean Peeze gets around. This song was recorded on the planet of the apes. You can hear all the native species hooting in the background.

    Sean mentions African gorillas, which annoys me. For some racist ass, belittling reason, the world refuses to recognize that Africa is a continent made up of many, many countries. Fucking specify. You don't call Tajikistanians, European? Well, sometimes maybe, but usually you call them Terrorists.

    Slap Boxing
    Yup. Another bitchin' ass title. I was the slap box champ in 6th grade.

    Note: I graduated high school at 20 and a half years old. And when I say graduated, I mean, gave up.

    Hot beat. Don't know how to describe it, so I won't. Actually, Im bored with this beat, so lets talk about something else.

    I think firemen are over rated and stuck in the past. Why would anyone slide down a pole in this day-in-age? Not only is it the gayest sounding activity ever, but there is a new technology called stairs. Or, why not create a building that doesnt involve changing floors? Why the obstacle course? And, why do they all sleep in that fire frat house? Ambulance drivers don't sleep on a stretcher. Cops don't sleep in a jail cell or with their foot in some black guy's face. So, what's up with fire fighters?

    Also, when I was 9 my cat, Bubbles (R.I.P.), got stuck in a tree. My mom called the LAFD and got dissed. Apparently, they don't get cats out of trees. My dad at the time, Leroy, had to stand on the garage to get him down. I don't know Roy anymore, but back then, at least, he didn't sleep in a big dorm room with other temporary dads. He usually slept face down on the living room floor or in my mom's bed.

    Now, I'm not doubting their importance. I mean, shit...flames fry your freaking skin off and burn all of your valuables (you usually have one framed family picture left over), but I don't understand why they have to sit around bullshitting in that house. In between fires, car accidents, and pretty much everything else they show up to, they play practical jokes, make spaghetti, and practice ping pong. Why? Here is the solution: You have an 8 hour shift where you battle fires or simply polish the trucks. No horsing around. Then you go home and the new shift comes in. And so on, and so on... Easy

    Rising To The Top (Bonus Track) - Ft. Agallah
    Ok, this last joint on the album is a bonus track. What does bonus track mean? I paid for this shit! Ain't no bonus about it. Now, if 2 months from now, Sean Price shows up at my BBQ and rocks a never-heard-before jam , then I will glady Hi-Five him for the bonus song. But, this ain't gonna cut it. So, I will rename this last track, Rising To The Top (The Last Track)

    The beat on this one is pretty cool, but this dude Agallah keeps fucking it up with his annoying voice. If any of you care, Agallah used to go by the ridonkulous name "8-off The Assassin", and somewhere along the line thought it was due time to come up with something worse. -- Now, if you we're going to choose a new rap name, wouldn't you select something a little better than Agallah? I don't know, something like Cereal Killer, or Cat Daddy, maybe. But, I guess it doesn't matter, because he sucked then and he sucks now. If this had only been a Sean Peeze song, I would fuck with it. But, with this dude on it? Squat, strain, shit.

    I'm gone.

    4 out of 5

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