Nikka Costa - can'tneverdidnothin'
Now some of you may be asking, who is Nikka Costa? And to tell you the trufe I don't really know. That's even despite the fact that I have her first cd. If you remember the ebonically titled, "Everybody Got Their Something", you know as much as I do.
Till I Get To You
Holy Crap. What kind of music is this? The title of this album is, "Can'tneverdidnothin'" If that's not a hood title, I don't know what is.
This sounds like a mix between Lenny Kravitz and the 30 year old teenie-bopper, Gwen Stefani. I imagine that if my parents sent me to better schools with more Snyders, I might like this more.
Now, this is the reason I bought the album. The title of this song is clearly directed right at me. The phrase articulates my exact emotion when I got my SAT scores in the mail. [pressing play...]
WTF? This fucking sucks. This is a flipping rock n roll album. Im tired of people naming things whatever they want. The proper title for this song is, "Air Guitar".
Fooled Ya Baby
Fooled Me Baby? Youre fucking right you fooled me, baby! Where is all the talk about pimps, hoes, and clothes?
On the liner notes of this song, it says Lenny Kravitz played drums and bass, while some folk-music hero named, Craig Ross, played guitar. Now, why would you belittle Mr. Half & Half by having him play cymbal? Racism?
This is Mullet Music.
I Gotta Know
I Gotta Know...hmm...My ex-girl once used those words half-way through a dinner at Red Lobster. That wound up being the worst night of her life. [pressing play...]
OK, yeah...the beginning of this song sounds like Lionel Richie on piano, which aint all that bad, compared to rest of this Hick Hop.
Well, I'll be danged! Just looked at the liner notes and Nikka Costa herself is on the keys. The respect meter just creeped up to 3.
Im not sure if it's the Michelob Ultra, but I kinda like this one.
Around The World
Titles like this give me hope. Prince used a similar title and he is clearly the hottest chick in the bizness. This should rock.
Well, Princess Suck fucked this title up royally. This is a lame and Snyder-like attempt at capturing the spirit of funk music. Nice funkin' try, Nikka.
Note: Somehow, the last 30 seconds of this song morphs into a remix of Candy Girl from New Edition.
Swing It Around
Swing it around? No problem baby! This title describes what I do every weekend.
The melody of this experiment is performed entirely by Ms. Nikka's mouth. It goes something like this...Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk Dook'n DoonkDoonk
...Then, more Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk Doonk.
Cant think of much else to add to this sewage song.
Funkier Than A Mosquitoes Tweeter
Yikes! Take it easy with the fucking titles, Nikka. This should be titled, "Mamma say mamma saw, mu makasa". Apparently, Nikka imported some West African slaves to play on this one. What's even worse is that, based on the liner notes, Nikka forced the congo player to change his name to David Chegwidden, and then made him play faster than he's ever played before.
On & On
As if Nikka hasn't shown enough racism on this album, she even went as far to steal the title of Erykah "Chiquita" Badu's first hit.
Lenny Kravitz again on drums, while Craig (who?) Ross spotlights upfront on guitar. This isn't even subtle anymore.
Happy In The Morning
Say Nikka's name in your head. And, say it fast. What does that sound like to you? I rest my case.
On this one, Nikka enslaves a member of The Roots. Do I have to tell you which one? Well, I will. The dishwashing, drum player.
Not that I have to remind you guys, but the title, "Hey Love" has been used by, The Delfonics, Stevie Wonder, and Shaggy. All Jacksons
Note: It doesn't say so inside the CD cover, but my sources tell me that Aretha Franklin was in charge of refilling Nikka's water in between takes on this song.
Yes!! Finally, something a D.M. can relate to. This should be touching.
Apparently Nikka was busy shining her belt buckle at the beginning of this song. You can tell because the first 6 seconds of this song are both, totally silent, and ironically, the highlight of the album.
Make sure you don't tune out, though. At the end of this one-instrument suck-fest, Nikka blesses us with another minute of much needed silence. Then, after starching her white hood, she launches into a song inexplicably about having more sugar in her bowl. You can't make this shit up.
3 out of 5