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Marques Houston - Naked

Marques Houston (Total Queer) has released his new Instant Frisbee, Naked. I don't know that this is necessarily a tosser, but Im just assuming based on his track record. For those that don't know, Houston, formerly known as Batman, was the lead singer from that kiddie group Immature. Their music was total crap, and on top of that, the young MH (real name, Most Homo...nickname, Marques Houston) was known for wearing some kind of sex mask as a gimmick. Now he is grown and gayer, I suppose. There is not a chance this wont suck.

All Because Of You
OK, I appreciate the lack of an intro for this album, so we're starting off right. So far this album is a 10...but before I go too far, lets press play.

Oh, ok...I know this song. Or video anyway. If youre a 13 year old deaf chick, you'll probably love this joint.

Whoa, one of Marques' old sex buddies from Immature has a rap verse on here. Aside from the fact that he downloaded Kanye's whole style, I guess its ok. Actually, it's ass.

Sex Wit You
I'm not even touching that title. It's probably diseased anyway.

Most Homo says that sex with his girl is like waking up to the smell of his mom's breakfast. What the hell? I mean, even if breakfast isn't slang for punani, it's still gross to compare sex with your babe, to your mom's anything. I'm disgusted.

Marriage
Marriage? I should be banned from even listening to this song. But, I suppose I must. Let's see.

This song sounds like the first 3. For suckas.

12 O'Clock
Hmm...decent title. 12 O'clock is like my favorite hour. Looks hot on a watch, well not as cool as 12:30, but at least it's a perfect time to meet up with homies. Well, that's me anyway, but I'm sure Mr. Batman is probably talking about something totally different. Like maybe meeting up with some hallway hag by his locker.

OK, bitchin...well... kinda. Actually, not really. The beat is awful and sounds like I played the congos on it. But, Joe Budden does open this one up with a verse. And it's not really all that good, but I'm just happy to hear some nuts for a change. Houston is doing his best R. Kelly impersonation on here. Gayer than ladyboys.

Naked
Naked. WTF? Apparently, Marques wants a total ass grassing. I know what he is going for, but this D'Angelo formula isn't going to work for him. At least D Man has those tough ass braids.

Ok, Im 39 seconds in and I'm skipping to the next song. I know an attempt at converting me when I hear one. Shit, just looked up and Im at 1:06 mark. Stopping now... That was close.

Do You Mind?
I totally mind.

Cheat
Hells Yea! Hot title. I'm totally comfortable with this.

What a total diarrhea mouth. MH is coming clean on every cheat move he has ever made. This is a perfect example of "game" gone wrong.

Ok, Marques...I have some suggestions for you.

Rule # 1: Telling your girl you cheated is a effing no-no. Deny, Deny, Deny.

Rule # 2: If you are noble enough to admit that you've been practicing with other babes, spare your girl the details. She doesn't want to hear about you pinning some prettier chick up against a hotel wall.

Rule# 3: Geezus, leave out the, "I cant say I wouldn't do it again" part. What is the point of coming clean just to scare the shit out her with your sex addict-ness.

And, isn't cheating in the contract for celebs? This dude is honest and lame.

I Wasn't Ready
At the beginning of this song, someone shouts out, "Corner Boys." Considering MH is the most unhoodlike dude in the biz, I'm forced to assume this is a shout out to his Santa Monica Blvd Prostidude crew. Faggot. I would fight this dude on sight.

Something Else
OK, now clearly I really hate this kinda music, and everyone knows it...but really, every, last song on here sucks total ass. I promise. This one sounds like it is produced by The Neptunes. I cant be sure one way or the other, because I would never ever buy this crap. Regardless, this song sucks.

I LIke It
This song blows, so Im just going to talk about something else.

Today, I realized my 3rd cat in a year has been kidnapped and/or murdered. I haven't seen him in a week, which fucking bothers me. I never let him in the house, which I guess makes him an alley cat, but still, I fed him Captain Crunch every morning and he slept on my porch at night. His (or her) name was Blue and I miss him -- (or her).

Everything
This is a shit stain of a song, so again, I'll talk about something else. Actually, I'm just gonna review a totally different song from a totally different album. How about that?

Im going to do You already know (the remix) by 112 ft. Foxy Brown. [Pressing Play..]

Oh yes!! I hate to be part of the 112 crowd, but this song is hot beans. The track opens up with Foxy spelling her name in typical, awesome fashion. She is second only to Biggie at name spelling.

Whoa, Fox just said that because she is from Brooklyn, I can leave my Timberlands on while we do the nasty. I bet Foxy gives the best bathroom sex ever.

Note: To remain gangsta, I'm not listening to any of 112's lyrics.

Foxy has a second verse at the end, so I'm tuned back in. Yes!! Fox just said she can cut (do it) like she trained Lorena Bobbit. I know that must sound scary to most non-slang using Snyders, but in my language, that is sincerely sexy.

This song rocks. Honestly

Oh yea, if you bought that Marques Houston album, give it to your Golden Retriever.
1 out of 5









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